Any man with more than one wife is bound to come up against women’s jealousy. Indeed many men have to cope with such jealousy even though they have only one wife. A woman’s jealousy may be aroused by the mere casual encounter between her husband and a woman in the course of his daily life. That a woman looks at her family life as her own private domain in which she has the sole claim to all her husband’s attention is natural. Such a possessive tendency remains helpful in ensuring a good family life for both husband and wife and their children, provided it is not too excessive. When it is excessive, it can lead to adverse results.
In Islam, polygamy is permissible, with a man allowed to have up to four wives at the same time. Other religions allow polygamy, including Christianity in its early days. The Prophet (peace be upon him) stayed with his only wife, Khadeejah, for twenty-five years. After her death, he married other women. He needed to have several wives for a variety of reasons, social, political and legislative. God exempted him from the restriction limiting a Muslim man to four wives. The Prophet’s wives were ordinary women, with different backgrounds. Although most of them belonged to the Quraysh tribe, some belonged to other Arabian tribes, and two were Jewish before marrying him.
The Prophet’s wives were ordinary women who shared with all other women the essential characteristics of feminism. Hence, they could not help being jealous of one another. Moreover, alliances were formed between them. Some historians speak of the existence of two groups among them. In one group where Ayesha, Hafsah and Sawdah. The other group included Umm Salamah, Zaynab and the rest of the Prophet’s wives.
Ayesha and Hafsah once noticed that the Prophet enjoyed Zaynab’s company. Zaynab obtained honey of special quality which the Prophet favored. The other two wanted to deprive Zaynab of this opportunity to please the Prophet. One day after he had eaten some honey at Zaynab’s, he went to Ayesha’s place. She said to him: “You have eaten maghafeer; I can easily smell it.” He told her that he only ate honey at Zaynab’s place. She insisted that she smelled maghafeer. That was a type of sweet liquid, which looked like honey but did not have a pleasant smell. Therefore, he was disturbed.
As it was his habit to go round to all his wives every afternoon, he went to Hafsah. On his entry, she immediately said: “You have eaten maghafeer; I can easily smell it.” When he told her that he only ate honey, she insisted that she could smell maghafeer, and that was probably because the bees that produced that honey had fed on maghafeer. The Prophet then said: “I will never eat this again.” Thus Ayesha and Hafsah won what they wanted. However, that advantage was unfairly gained. Therefore, God told him not to forbid himself something that He had made lawful. This is made clear in the opening verses of Surah 66, entitled Al-Tahreem, or Prohibition.
In all this we see the human element and how human nature prompt certain action. The Prophet cannot refute what two of his wives say about what they smell. They tell him that he ate this rather bad smelling food, but he knows that he only ate the honey his other wife served him. Keen as he was that no bad smell should ever be associated with him, he decided never to eat it again. The two wives succeeded in what they wanted, but they were soon reproached when the Qur’an exposed it.
Safiyyah, whom the Prophet married several years after he had married Ayesha, was young and pretty. She was perhaps just approaching 20 at the time, which meant that she was a couple of years younger than Ayesha. Once Ayesha said to the Prophet: “You need not go beyond the fact that Safiyyah is such a short woman.” The Prophet was angered by her remark. He said to her: “Watch what you are saying, Ayesha! You have just said a word which, should it be dropped in the sea, it would give its water a stinking smell.” He then went on to give her this sound advice: “You should always be gentle. When gentility is removed from something, its removal will leave a flaw in it, and when it is added to something, it will give it a better appearance. Therefore, always be gentle.”
Ayesha was a passionate woman who found herself in the midst of several women competing for the attentions of her husband whom she loved so much and felt herself to be loved by him. She wanted him all for herself, yet she realized that in his role and position, he had to marry others. One day, a woman knocked at his door and the Prophet was perturbed because her voice was so similar to Khadeejah’s voice. He soon recollected himself and said: “May she be Halah.” She was indeed Halah, Khadeejah’s sister. The Prophet welcomed her so warmly and attended to her request, looking after her.
On another occasion, an elderly woman visited him. His welcome of her was especially warm. When she left, Ayesha was quick to ask the Prophet who that woman was. The Prophet said: “She used to visit us during Khadeejah’s lifetime.” Ayesha thought if the Prophet could welcome a woman so warmly, even though he might not have remembered her name, but only because she used to visit in the old days of Khadeejah, then Khadeejah’s position in his heart was still superior to that of anyone else, including her own. Hence, she retorted: “Yet Khadeejah was no more than an old woman with reddish side jaws whom God has replaced by a better one for you.” The Prophet was very angry, but said nothing at first. He then remonstrated with Ayesha, saying: “God has certainly not replaced her by a better woman. She believed in me when others rejected me; she accepted what I said as the truth when others said it was a lie. She gave me of her wealth when others would give me nothing. She gave birth to my children while I have not been blessed with any children by my other wives.” Ayesha felt very sorry after that and she pledged to herself to control her emotions better.
