Nothing has shaped popular culture more than social media. Social media has changed the way we communicate. It has generated the selfie phenomenon and has also become a means of projecting a version of the person we wish to be, rather than who we really are, out to the world. A growing number of individuals compete against each other on social platforms for followers, likes, retweets and favorites.
People crave recognition and dream of being popular. Narcissism seems to be on the rise. Have smartphones and social media spawned a self-obsessed generation? Donna Freitas does not believe so. Based on a large-scale survey and interviews with students in 13 college campuses in the US, she found that young people are mainly concerned with being happy but are under constant pressure to look perfect online. In other words, they are expected to give the impression that they are always happy, successful and full of energy.
“The happiness effect: How social media is driving a generation to appear perfect at any cost” sheds light on the consequences of the communications revolution that confronts us. The author shares many stories that are “the heart and soul of this book,” according to the author herself. One of the first stories we read is about a woman named Emma. Emma complains that people take pictures, do things and go places for the reaction that they are going to get on Instagram or Facebook. She admits that it is tiring being one way in public and acting differently in private, however, she believes “everyone is like that.”
Although the press has frequently slammed millennials for supposedly being narcissistic, the author believes that the world of social media is a far less scary place than the press would have us believe. “The young adults with whom I spoke are as smart and thoughtful as ever. They are doing their best to navigate a dimension or culture so new and different and so pervasive that it sets their generation apart,” Freitas wrote.
Freitas noticed that in all the campuses surveyed — despite their geographic, ethnic and socio-economic differences — 73 percent of students are preoccupied with appearing happy. “Adolescents learn early how important it is to everyone around them that they polish their online profiles to promote their accomplishments, popularity and general well-being. They practice this nearly constantly in their online lives and this has a tremendous effect on them emotionally, in their relationships and in their behavior on social media. For better or worse, students are becoming masters of appearing happy, at significant cost,” Freitas wrote.
College students are very much aware that they have to create an image and entertain a vast audience. However, people using social media soon find out that they cannot please everyone — they have different audiences. “Because of social media, we are becoming master manipulators, constant performers, and no one is better at these endeavors than young adults because they are learning earlier and earlier that these skills are central to success, either social or professional,” Freitas wrote.
Selfies, in particular, play a key role in defining one’s online image. Some students believe that the “photo culture” we see online is also used for professional purposes, however. If you consider your name to be a brand, a selfie or photograph becomes a powerful means by which you can promote yourself. An account becomes a marketing tool and a growing number of users are aware of the advantages of “professionaliz(ing)” online accounts. The image one curates on social media can eventually be used to create one’s own business online. Freitas underlines the extra burden women have to bear, saying: “Young women… not only must live up to expectations around professionalism and image building, but also must look good doing it.”
Selfies are often meant to express the fun we are having but the pressure to look happy at all costs reveals an alarming discrepancy between how we truly feel and how we want to be perceived online. A sense of longing for anonymity explains the phenomenal success of Snapchat. Anything posted on Snapchat — photos, selfies, videos or comments — disappear. On Snapchat, people can do all the things they cannot do on Facebook — they can be silly, stupid and let off steam.
Anonymity can be problematic, however. It allows people to take things too far and it can lead to online bullying. “The near-universal mantra that you must appear happy on social media starts to make more sense when you recognize how vulnerability turns you into a target. The appearance of constant happiness is a defense mechanism, a way to protect yourself from the risks that come with putting yourself out there for the scrutiny of others,” Freitas wrote.
Alice, a first-year student, said that “people want to see others as happy and people are easily bothered by someone who confesses that they aren’t happy or aren’t what everyone wants them to be. If more people stepped out of their boxes, found their true selves, and posted that self online, they would get a lot more hate and they would be a lot more vulnerable, but ultimately maybe more people would start being honest.”
Having interviewed 200 students and conducted a survey of several hundred more, Freitas realized two things. First, that smartphones and social media have taken over young people’s lives and second, that young people feel they are not equipped to handle this dramatic change.
Where young people are concerned, communication is the key. Parents and educators have to be open, approachable and understanding. It is the best way to encourage children and young adults to share the problems they are experiencing so a suitable solution can be found. As social media platforms gain popularity, it is becoming difficult not to join. However, the long-term effects of social media use are still unknown.
Book Review: If you are happy and you know it, post that selfie
Book Review: If you are happy and you know it, post that selfie
Book Review: ‘Keep the Memories, Lose the Stuff’
If you are someone who adopts a new year, new me mindset every Dec. 31, then Matt Paxton’s 2022 book “Keep the Memories, Lose the Stuff: Declutter, Downsize, and Move Forward with Your Life,” written with Jordan Michael Smith, is worth picking up.
In the process of reading it, I found myself filling four bags with items to donate.
Paxton’s approach is notably different from Marie Kondo’s once-ubiquitous Japanese tidying method, which asks readers to pile all their possessions into one part of the room, hold each item up and ask whether it sparks joy.
While Kondo’s philosophy sounds appealing on paper — thanking objects and dedicating an entire weekend to the process — it is not realistic for everyday life. Paxton’s method feels more practical and gentler.
Paxton knows the emotional terrain of clutter well. For more than 20 years he has helped people declutter and downsize. He was a featured cleaner on the reality show “Hoarders” and later hosted the Emmy-nominated “Legacy List with Matt Paxton” on PBS.
Through this work, Paxton gained insight into why people hold on to things and what makes letting go difficult even of what seemingly looks useless.
What works especially well is how personal the book feels from the outset.
He opens by explaining his anxiety-inducing decision to move to a different US state with his three children, and all of their stuff, to live with his new wife and all of her stuff.
Together, they would be raising seven children — very Brady Bunch style — but with slightly more practical life considerations.
He also talks about how he got into this line of work. When he was in his 20s, his father died and he had to help clear out his belongings. He found that process to be cathartic and special. And he was good at it.
Soon after, short on cash, he accepted a job from someone in his small, close-knit community to help organize her home — likely hired out of pity more than anything else.
That slow process of sifting through items and learning the stories behind each one — directly from the owner of those objects — sparked plenty of joy. He was hooked.
Throughout the book, Paxton makes the case for consistency. His advice is manageable. He encourages readers to dedicate just 10 minutes a day to decluttering to form a habit. We all can spare that.
Paxton also stresses the importance of communication.
Talk to your loved ones about what you want done with your belongings when you are no longer around, and just as importantly, listen to what they want done with theirs, he urges. He offers practical guidance on having these conversations with parents, partners and children.
One critique of this book is that Paxton dedicates a large portion to physical photographs. While this is relevant for many older readers, it may feel less urgent going forward, particularly for Gen Z and younger, whose clutter is more likely to be solely digital.
Ultimately, “Keep the Memories, Lose the Stuff” is less about getting rid of things than about making space; by speaking about objects, sharing their stories and allowing them — and each of us — to move on.
