RIYADH, 12 December 2007­­ — As psychologist Dr. Ahmad Al-Hariri puts it: “The woman is the biggest loser when a marriage fails. The ratio of women and men relying on marital counseling is 10 to one.”

The reason for this disparity, according to Hariri, is that women are not reluctant to express their fears, open up and seek help and that they are the ones that are often stigmatized when divorced.

“It’s a man’s world,” he said. “As long as the man feels he is the stronger link in a relationship and that his social status is at risk, he finds it difficult to face his errors or even admits them and to reveal details of his domestic life. Of the many cases I have encountered, the man is usually the one responsible for the disturbance in a marriage; therefore, he either turns to himself to find solutions or ignores the problems.”

The latest government statistics show that there were 18,000 divorces last year against 66,000 marriages, a 12 percent increase in divorces compared to the previous year.

Along with the rising need for marriage counseling, Hariri says the number of uncertified, unqualified or even outright fraudulent marriage counselors is also rising.

“Back-alley counseling is not considered proper counseling,” said the psychologist, who specialized in forensic psychotherapy.

“Also, preachers and religious advisers might give valid advice but cannot solve problems as specialists, and people should be aware of this,” he added.

Hariri also says that even counselors with proper academic backgrounds should be qualified for this specific field: “The proper qualifications should include: working at a prominent government hospital or private clinic; acquiring a medical license as a psychologist by the Saudi Commission for Health Specialties; or working as part of a medical team.”

Nana, a 25-year-old college graduate, said that after five years of unhappy marriage, she and her husband visited a marriage counselor.

“He was stubborn, and so was I, but we could not find a way around it,” she said. “Family interference didn’t help; each party sided with their child.”

Nana said she was not able to save her marriage because husband refused to accompany her.

Dr. Mohammad Al-Twaijri, a psychologist who specializes in marital counseling, said it’s virtually impossible to resolve marital problems without the participation of both husband and wife.

“It is a crippled process when only the woman tries to patch up the marriage,” he said.

Widad, a forty-something university art teacher, said problems started in her 17-year marriage after she received her PhD. Her husband had only a high school diploma. She said she ended up divorcing her husband and that part of the problem was that her counselor wasn’t doing her job. She warns others to select the specialist carefully.

“I was unfortunate in choosing a counselor,” said Widad. “She seemed unable to put away her own domestic problems, as I noticed through her aggressive criticism of my husband’s actions. I ended up acting so aggressive and defensive with him that it drove him away. After my marriage collapsed, I realized that I wasn’t receiving help but rather being pushed into aggravating the problem. I paid a high price for not searching for a specialized person.”

Hariri said that the government departments responsible for certifying counselors — the Ministry of Health and the General Organization for Technical and Vocational Training — should be doing more to investigate the counseling centers seeking certifications.

The government, however, does seem to be recognizing the need to establish more professional counseling centers, and not just for religious guidance. The ministries of Social Affairs, Justice and Labor are reportedly in the process of opening public counseling centers staffed by psychologists.

Dr. Laila Al-Hilali, a sociologist with a women’s center for marital counseling, said she’s optimistic about the future of this specialty.

She says her center was able to help fix 95 out of 100 troubled marriages that they got involved with.

“My mission is to help women restore their lives while maintaining their rights and well being,” Al-Hilali said. “The woman always has the keys and I just train her to use them as best as possible. It usually works, provided there is no anomaly to the situations, such as drug or alcohol abuse.”