RIYADH, 16 November 2007 — The Philippine Embassy has expressed concern about the increasing number of separation among Filipino couples in the Kingdom, reportedly as a result of infidelity on the part of one or both parties.

Lately, the embassy has been receiving numerous letters from the Philippines complaining that OFW relatives in the Kingdom had not been remitting money for the upkeep of their families.

“If this trend continues, the image of Filipinos as closely-knit, caring and God-fearing will be endangered,” Ambassador Antonio P. Villamor told Arab News recently.

While the embassy apparently does not keep figures of failed marriages, such breakups are nothing new to members of the Filipino community.

“It’s a common knowledge that many Filipino couples have separated, with one of them, or sometimes both of them, having their own extra-marital affairs. This seems to have become common and just ignored by the Filipino community,” said Dan Velasco, who is with the administrative staff of the housing services of a premier hospital.

Explaining why separation between husband and wife takes place, Villamor said, ”Most of the time, a married couple are together and it’s inevitable that a strain in the relationship takes place. Now, if there are many amenities or social events here, a couple could enjoy or preoccupy themselves with these instead of venting their emotions by expressing their displeasure with each other. The problem is that there are not so much such amenities or social events.”

He noted that in the Philippines, there are not only many amenities for relaxation such as theaters and activities to preoccupy themselves with, such as part-time jobs or social events like activities organized by fraternities, civic organizations or the Lion’s and Rotary clubs. He said that the situation in the Kingdom now is totally different compared with the 1980s when he was assigned in Jeddah as a junior foreign service officer.

Villamor also noted that at present, many Overseas Filipino Workers (OFWs) are working as professionals and holding responsible positions in different companies in trade and industry. In the late 70s or early 80s, it was the time of the construction boom, he said. OFWs then were working mostly in construction companies and were living in construction sites. Their families — wives and children — were living in the Philippines. That means that getting tired of, or irritation with, each other brought about by the hassles of everyday life was a remote possibility because the couple were far from each other. Ironically, such separation defuses tension.

“Today, OFWs can bring their families to the Kingdom if they are working here with a family status. As a result, they can live together and expected to be closer to each other. What an irony that some OFWs brought their families to the Kingdom but instead of being close to their wives, they have separated instead,” Villamor said.

Elisa T. Serrano, head nurse at King Khaled University Hospital in Riyadh, said that there are many reasons why couples separate.

“One reason is separation itself. Another reason is that they tied the knot with weak foundation. Others got married because of adventure or financial reasons, not out of love,” she said.

Another nurse, who has not remarried even after her separation from her husband in 1995, said that she married out of love but her alienation from her husband took place gradually. Her husband encouraged her to leave the Philippines and work overseas “for the family.” She said she went to Al Baha first and worked there for five years. After that she transferred to Riyadh.

“Our alienation from each other started when I noticed that my monthly remittances were not being properly kept. We had nothing in our bank account, nor any investment every time I went home for my annual vacations. I could not see anything as a result of working overseas and after my 16 years of marriage,” she said, noting that her husband had many vices and was involved with other women.

To forestall an impending separation, she said she asked her husband to come to the Kingdom so that they could be together, but he refused.

“He did not want to leave the Philippines. He probably felt insecure because he had finished only a vocational course and I’m a nurse,” she said. She added that their troubles were exacerbated by the demands of her and her husband’s extended families.

“In 1992, our strained relationship started to surface, but it was only in 1995 that we, including our son who was then a third-year high school student, seriously discussed our separation. The decision to separate was mutually agreed on between us,” she said. The child is now 27 years old and already has his own family.

Another nurse, who is holding a very responsible position in a premier hospital in the Kingdom, separated with her husband who was in custody of their daughters who were growing up in the Philippines. “My husband was very irresponsible. I was sending money but he was unnecessarily spending it,” she said.

Yet another OFW, who was working as a secretary at a big hospital in Riyadh, separated from her husband because both had fallen out of love. They were working together in the Saudi capital until the husband decided to go home for good. While looking after their children, he set up a cargo forwarding company, but when this failed he went to the United States, leaving the children under the custody of relatives. To get even, the wife in Riyadh hooked up with another man.

Counseling

Asked what the embassy is doing about the growing problem, Ambassador Villamor said, “We don’t want to interfere in husband and wife relationships, but we do some counseling when asked.”

He said the embassy does not keep records of such complaints. “However, it’s common knowledge that very few come forward to complain.”

The Overseas Workers’ Welfare Administration (OWWA), however, has said that of about 1,000 complaints it gets every month, half involves families whose OFW breadwinners have stopped sending money to them. And most of these OFWs work in the Middle East.

“Majority of those who are not sending their remittances are male OFWs and the usual reason is that they are having extra-marital affairs,” said Gloria Taule of the OWWA Workers’ Assistance Unit (WAU).

Kanlungan, a nongovernment organization, also reported that many complaints against OFWs who abandoned their families in the Philippines were due to illicit affairs on the part of the worker.

Kanlungan Executive Director Rose-marie Trajano said that such cases of abandonment has caused the affected children to stop going to school because they have no more money and have no more food to eat.

“They have been abandoned totally, no remittances and no communication whatsoever,” Trajano said.

Kanlungan found out that based on reports the OFW families make to formally seek redress, there is an ongoing trend of miscommunication between husband and wife that usually leads to infidelity.

While some OFWs have allowed their marriages to break up for one reason or another, however, others have tried to avoid it. Another Filipino head nurse at a hospital in Riyadh, for one, asked her husband in the Philippines to join her in the Kingdom. The husband came under her sponsorship.

Others maintain their equanimity by joining civic, social and sports organizations, professional groups, and educational clubs. Many others are active members of fellowships, most of which provide counseling to their members to keep them from illicit relationships.