Islam sets some detailed rules outlining good manners which Muslims are required to observe. Decency is something that must be observed even within the family, so that people close to each other may not be irritated, embarrassed or offended by one another. Surah 24, Light, contains some detailed instructions about standards of decency that should be observed. Some of these are to be taught to children and adolescents in order that they would grow up having such good manners as part of their natural behavior. Some of these are concerned with what should one do or say when entering a home, whether it belongs to him or to others.

Good manners are to be observed even when one enters a home which he knows to be empty. Abdullah ibn Umar, a recognized scholar among the Prophet’s companions, states: “When a person enters a house with no inhabitants, he should say: peace be to us and to the good ones among God’s servants.” (Related by Al-Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad). This explains a verse which requires us to offer a greeting on entering a home. God says: “Whenever you enter houses, greet yourselves with a blessed, goodly greeting, as enjoined by God.” (24: 61)

This statement is meant to greet the people in the house we enter, but it is phrased in this way to indicate the strong ties that bind people together in the Muslim community. Thus, when we greet our relatives or friends as we come into their homes, we are actually greeting ourselves, because we all belong to the same community. However, the statement is expressed in the indefinite form which applies on entering any house. So how to carry it out if there is nobody in the house? It is this question that is answered by the Hadith we have just mentioned. In this case we should say a greeting to ourselves and include with us all goodly servants of God. This gives us a relaxed feeling on entering an empty home, which is often associated with a rather unhomely feeling.

Another aspect of good manners encouraged by Islam is given in the same surah: “Believers! Do not enter houses other than your own unless you have obtained permission and greeted their people.” (24: 27) Abdullah ibn Abbas adds that an exception is made in the Qur’an in the case of entering certain houses: “You will incur no sin if you enter uninhabited houses wherein there are things of use for you.” (24: 29) This instruction relates only to premises of more or less public nature, like shops, rest houses, administrative offices, etc. One does not need prior permission to enter such premises. As for private houses, the fact that they may be uninhabited does not give a right of entry to anyone. They still belong to their owners and cannot be entered without their permission.

Furthermore, when one’s children attain to puberty they should seek permission before entering their parents’ rooms. This is clear in the Qur’anic verse: “When the children among you attain to puberty, they should ask leave of you like those before them have been enjoined to ask it.” (24: 59) This is a question of upbringing. When a child attains to puberty, he or she is no longer a child. Therefore, they should not intrude on their parents’ privacy without first seeking permission. We can easily think of different situations when parents would be embarrassed if their teenager children burst into their rooms without first knocking and are given leave to enter. A father may be changing his clothes when his daughter enters, or a mother may have part of her body exposed when her son comes in. In order not to cause any such embarrassment, the instruction is given in this verse that such children should seek permission before entering their parents’ rooms. A Hadith related by Al-Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad refers to Abdullah ibn Umar, a scholar companion of the Prophet who was very keen to implement the Prophet’s guidance to the letter. The Hadith mentions that “when any of his children attained to puberty, he would require him or her to seek permission before entering his room.”

Some people might find this unnecessary. They wonder whether this puts a sort of barrier between parents and children. The fact is that it does not. It leads to more respect and kindness. A man asked Abdullah ibn Masoud: “Should I ask permission before entering my mother’s room?” Abdullah said: “She does not like you to see her in all her positions.” (Related by Al-Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad) Another Hadith mentions the same question put to Hudhayfah who answered: “If you do not obtain her permission, you would see what she does not like you to see.” (Related by Al-Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad and Abd Al-Razzaq). These two Hadiths put in a nutshell why a person should seek his parents’ permission before entering their rooms.

The Prophet’s companions were always keen to implement his guidance and to teach their children to do as he advised. Musa ibn Talhah, whose father was a close companion of the Prophet, mentions: “I entered with my father my mother’s room. He pushed me hard in my chest so that I sat down. He then said: ‘Would you enter without permission?’” (Related by Al-Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad)

All this shows that even with one’s parents, privacy should be respected by everyone who has attained to puberty. This emphasizes the importance of decency which should be observed even in one’s own home. But it is not merely with one’s parents that one should seek permission before entry. A Hadith reported by Jabir states: “A man should seek permission to enter the room of his son, daughter, mother – even though she may be elderly – brother, sister and father.” (Related by Al-Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad)

These are the closest relatives who may be living in the same house and are in frequent contact every day. Nevertheless they have to knock on the door and wait for permission before entry. Such are the proper Islamic manners, which we will discuss further next week, God willing.

Arab News Islam 28 March 2003