LVIV: All Natalia has for Valentine's Day is the grave of her husband, Vassyl, a Ukrainian soldier killed at the front and now buried in the western city of Lviv.
That and a purple book of poems she clutches tightly in her hands.
"I gave this book to him as a wedding anniversary present. A month later, he was gone," Natalia said through her tears as she gazed at the tombstone.
Natalia and Vassyl spent 21 years of their lives together. They had three children, the youngest of whom is just six.
Vassyl was a writer, a lover of literature. As he did not have time to enjoy her latest present, Natalia brought it with her to the cemetery, "to read it to him".
Swaddled in a black puffer jacket, her eyes red with emotion, Natalia recited "So no one has loved," a poem she had learned by heart.
Between the pages of the poetry book she had slipped the dried petals of a yellow rose, the same colour as the roses on Vassyl's grave.
Natalia was not the only soldier's widow at the cemetery in western Ukraine on Friday, where the tombstones were decorated with red heart-shaped balloons, cuddly toys and the yellow and blue national flag.
Maria lost her husband, Andrey, on Christmas Eve last year.
They had never celebrated Valentine's Day, she said, calling it "just a marketing ploy".
"But I don't know. Today I wanted to come," she said.
"It's all very painful. And unfair, really," she added. "Instead of having a good, beautiful life, like we had before this war, now you only have a grave in the cemetery and that's it."
Another widow, also called Natalia, was busy pinning a little heart to the flowers on the grave of her spouse, who was killed when a drone hit his car.
"I can't get used to the fact that he is no more, that I will never hear him again, never see him again," she said.
"My husband loved me very much. He always called me constantly. He loved me. He would have congratulated me today too, if he were alive."
On the other side of the country in Kramatorsk, at the heart of the fighting in the eastern region of Donetsk, 30-year-old combat medic Yaroslav was preparing Thursday to spend a third Valentine's Day in a row without his wife.
Despite the distance, he has resolved to keep the faith. "Let it be a holiday. That's it. War is war. there will always be hard times," he said.
He showed AFP the goodies in his khaki bag -- macaroons oozing with chocolate sent to him by his spouse, who knew they were his favourite treat.
He and his comrades had sent back flowers and sweets by post or courier.
Yaroslav has not seen his wife for three months, and would probably have to wait another three.
"I feel sad to leave her. It is sad to come back here," he said quietly, lowering his bright blue eyes.
If they had been together on Valentine's Day, "I think we wouldn't talk. We would just be hugging."
A little way off, Olga Volodiuk, a florist, waited for the lovers who did not turn up.
"The market is empty," Volodiuk said, wrapping herself tightly in her pink puffer jacket.
She blamed the increasing attacks on Kramatorsk, a major army base near one of the few remaining cities in the east under Ukrainian control.
The shops were full of cuddly bears and coloured decorations for Valentine's Day but this year there were fewer customers, Volodiuk said.
"There were explosions today," she said. "There is no line to buy bread so to buy flowers, even less so."
Ukranians mark Valentine's Day with tears
https://arab.news/9ghr6
Ukranians mark Valentine's Day with tears
- "I gave this book to him as a wedding anniversary present. A month later, he was gone," Natalia said through her tears as she gazed at the tombstone
- Vassyl was a writer, a lover of literature. As he did not have time to enjoy her latest present, Natalia brought it with her to the cemetery, "to read it to him"
Why some women choose Galentines over Valentines and how they might celebrate
- O’Sullivan is one of many women who find it empowering to focus on female friendship rather than relationship pressures
- Other ways to mark Galentine’s Day include going to a play, hiking, karaoke, playing cards or just having coffee
Christie O’Sullivan of Trinity, Florida, has spent 21 Valentine’s Days with her husband, but her favorite celebration was one spent with a girlfriend before she got married.
They took the day off work, got massages, and went out for cocktails and a fancy dinner.
“For me, it was 10 out of 10. That whole day was intentional,” said O’Sullivan. She remembers it as empowering “on a day that’s usually filled with pressure to be in a relationship, or sadness because I wasn’t currently in one.”
Galentine’s Day became a pop culture phenomenon with a 2010 episode of the TV comedy “Parks and Recreation” that celebrated female friendships around Valentine’s Day. Amy Poehler’s character, Leslie Knope, gathered her gal pals on Feb. 13.
“What’s Galentine’s Day? Oh, it’s only the best day of the year,” said Knope.
Honoring female friendships can happen any day of the year, of course. Whether on Feb. 13 or another day, here are some ways to create a fun-filled experience:
Making it a party
Chela Pappaccioli of Franklin Lakes, New Jersey, has been hosting a Galentine’s Day bash at her home for the last three years. She has a bartender and a DJ hired, and this year invited 45 of her nearest and dearest. So far, she has 34 confirmations, and is assembling gift bags for her guests to take home. There are no men allowed “unless the bartender happens to be male.”
The event may be extravagant, but Pappaccioli says it’s worth it.
“It’s an escape to just be with your girls, be silly, do something fun and just focus on the friendships you’ve created and enjoying each other’s company,” she says.
Learning how to do something new
Liz Momblanco of Berkley, Michigan, who describes herself as a “serial hobbyist,” invites her friends to take classes like cookie and cake decorating, calligraphy and stained glass.
“I enjoy learning something new and having a shared experience,” said Momblanco, who has attended day retreats for women that offer activities like floral arranging, yoga or a cold plunge.
Marney Wolf, who runs the retreat company Luna Wolf, says providing an opportunity for art and creativity builds community.
“It bonds you, whether it’s the smallest thing or really deep. You watch these grown women turn into almost like a childlike kindergarten response like, ‘Oh my gosh! Good job! You’re so talented!’ That little lift is the easiest thing to do,” she said.
Filling a Valentine’s void
Wolf takes care to schedule Galentine’s-themed retreats near Valentine’s Day because some women don’t have someone to spend Feb. 14 with.
“I know it can be a really lonely time for people and I think some take it for granted,” she says.
Pappaccioli said a couple of divorced friends come to her party, and “even if you’re married it can be depressing because your husband may not be doing what you want or your boyfriend may not support you in the way you want,” she says.
“It’s nice to know that you don’t need that. You can still celebrate the holiday, but turn it around a little bit and celebrate the relationships you want to.”
Creating different kinds of bonds
Galentine’s Day get-togethers can forge new friendships. And spending quality time with a friend provides an opportunity to put the phone away, avoid distractions and build memories.
O’Sullivan is a social media strategist for businesses but appreciates that her bestie Valentine’s Day was without cellphones.
“We could be fully present — no photos, no texts, no nothing,” she says.
“So while that means there’s no actual record of that day occurring, it also means the details became a core memory without it.”
Some celebrate Galentine’s Day by just going out for coffee or playing cards. You might go with a group of women friends to a play or museum, or take a hike or a workout class.
Other ideas include thrift store shopping, country line dancing, roller skating, karaoke, junk journaling, and getting manicures and pedicures.
