Q. Is it permissible for a Muslim woman to live in a joint family system? I am about to be married and it is proposed that we will live in a 2-floor house with my brother-in-law and his family. Should I ask my husband for a separate home for us?

A. There is no particular injunction in Islam on such an issue, because it is normally dictated by circumstance and the means available to every couple or family. People normally prefer to have their own family home, because it ensures their independence and privacy. Moreover, when women live in such a joint family, they will either abide by the Islamic dress code, and this will cause them some inconvenience, or they will be lax about it and then they will be in breach of Islamic teachings. Moreover, in the latter case, families find themselves exposed to the risk of too much familiarity, which may lead to sinful actions of minor or major nature. Therefore, it is much better for a family to have its own home where it enjoys full privacy and independence. But if a family’s circumstances are such that they cannot have such a home, then families will have to live where they can afford. A Muslim woman should not demand that her husband provides her with what puts him under too much pressure or causes him hardship. This is contrary to the mutual care couples should take of each other.

Marriage during ihraam

Q. It is said that one must not get married when he is in the state of ihraam; but I read a Hadith which says that the Prophet married his wife, Maymoonah, when he was in ihraam. Please comment.

Adam Kalkumbe

A. One of the restrictions that must be observed when one is in the state of consecration, or ihraam, is that he may not enter into a marriage contract, or propose marriage. The Prophet married Maymounah after he had finished his Umrah, which was the one he agreed with the Quraysh at the time when the peace treaty of Al-Hudaybiyah was signed. The Quraysh stipulated at the time that the Muslims would not enter Makkah that year, but would be allowed to come for a visit lasting three days. This the Prophet and his companions did and they offered the Umrah. When the three days were over, the Quraysh sent someone to ask the Prophet to depart. He said: “Why could you not allow us to stay and I will be married here and we will offer you a feast.” They told him that they did not agree and they would hold him to his word. As always, the Prophet was true to his promise, and he and the Muslims left Makkah. On the way back, the marriage was made.

As you see, the events do not suggest that the Prophet was in consecration when his marriage to Maymounah was made. I realize that there is a Hadith which states that he was muhrim at the time, but this does not mean that he was in the state of consecration. What it means is that he was in the sacred month of Thul-Hijjah, in the sacred city of Makkah. In Arabic usage at the time, the word muhrim means that as well as meaning a “person in the state of consecration.” Since the marriage was made after the Prophet’s completion of his Umrah, we have to take it as a reference to the month and place, rather than the ritual state of ihraam.